River Walking aka Ready for My Man....

I really try not to have all these blogs be about men but oh well!! My relationships are my reflection so I guess it’s about me anyway. And in fact, there is only One so when yall reading about me, you’re reading about yourself too! So I have decided that I want to be in a relationship. I know I posted a blog previously called, “Why I Need a Man” about me needing masculine energy balance in my life and even one called, “On Being Open” about me beginning to cultivate vulnerability. But the feeling that this blog is coming out of is different and new. In fact, I only made the decision 3 weeks ago that I am actually ready for a relationship.

For the last three years I have enjoyed not being anyone’s woman and not “belonging” to anyone. (Well there is that one last legal stipulation I’m still working on that says I’m someone’s wife. It’s hard to fund a divorce by yourself so I’ m accepting donations. If I get 700 people to donate a dollar or 350 people to donate 2 dollars I’ll be at the lawyer’s office in a jiffy! ) I have enjoyed my freedom of moving in and out of connections and taking a break when I needed to clear the energy. I have lavished in dating and enjoyed my frivolous playing in the field. However, something unexpected happened three weeks back….

 I am a theatre teacher and approximately three weeks ago came my end of the year production where I single handedly coordinated and directed close to one hundred kids in a show. It is one of the most intensely stressful and equally rewarding experiences I have all year. For at least two weeks before the show, I run around like a headless chicken barking at 12 and 13 year olds, buying costumes and coordinating dance rehearsals with little boys who want to “dougie” and “catdaddy”. So the show is up and running, going great. My students are performing myths, resurrecting Ike and Tina Tuner’s “Proud Mary” and executing scenes from Lorraine Hansberry’s “A Raisin in the Sun”. It was a great success! At the end of the night, I got kudos from my colleagues and principal and I finally exhaled. Then something strange happened as I was walking back to my classroom that evening to pack and go home. My consciousness witnessed a thought that kind of went like this:

Thought: Wow, your show was a great success, wouldn’t it be wonderful to share it with somebody else?

Me: Excuse me? It was shared, with like three hundred parents and kids.

Thought: You know that’s not what I mean. Someone to share in your success and support you.

Me: Like a ……aaaaaa???

Me and Thought: A man!  (gasp)

Me: Really? You want a man, like a boyfriend?

Thought: Yes, Shepsa. You deserve a mate, a partner. Somebody to support you and be by your side.

Me: Damn….I think you’re right.

So this was a new thought, a new conversation I was having with myself. I could feel the air around me longing to be filled with a presence. Now, I have previously thought long and hard about exactly what I am looking for in a man. I made the list years ago and now have it memorized. But this was the first time I have actually articulated a real desire for “him” to manifest. This desire crept up on me like a bandit and I was the unsuspecting mark but now it is here; taking up residence and getting comfortable…..

As a juju woman, it is only befitting that I harness my magical powers to aide in this process. I have begun river walking, a ritual I read about in Kenya K. Steven’s book, “Change Your Man”. Go check it out yourself and be transformed! There is an ancient Yoruba Goddess of the rivers named Oshun who’s domain is beauty, sensuality and love and it is to She I am making my petition.  I am excited about this process and the fact that my subconscious has articulated that it is ready to begin some real work, cause that’s what relationships are about. I do plan to keep my work real sweet so the honey in my pot will always be brewing J.

As a matter of fact, I am going to speak to “him” as if he is already here (and who knows, he might be).

Hey sweet and sexy. Wow, when I look at you, I see the best in me. You challenge me to live my best life now and keep my keenly aware of the fact that we are both Divine. You are knowledgeable, well spoken, creative and can wrestle with me mentally. But you are so dope, that you’re not all brains and stoic spirituality but you know how to have fun too! We have a ball together and when we dance, the world disappears inside of us. I love making love to you and in fact, it is the most intense pleasure I have ever known. You are honest, responsible, trustworthy, loyal and a great provider. I also love how we define for ourselves the structure of our relationship and do not let society dictate to us how our love should go. I know without a shadow of a doubt that you love me from the fabric of my being in the same way I love you. You also love my son and are a great example of manhood for him. We are purpose partners and co-create major movements that shift this world. We share a passion for Afrikan people, culture and history and progressively move toward creating a better future now. You are truly a wonderful person and we grow together each day. I love you blissfully, can’t wait till you get home tonight!

ASHE! And so it is!!